I know myself. When I get stressed, the first thing to go is any sense of priority. I always have a million projects going, and the closer I get to the completion of any one of them, the less I want to focus appropriately on it. The new ones are more fun. I know that about myself, but it’s a hard habit to break.
I am performing the Christopher Rouse Oboe Concerto with the South Bend Symphony in 10 days. I am talking about it for the newspaper tomorrow, I’m filming a promotional video on Friday, and I need to prepare my talking points for these. I need to keep playing it daily to make sure that my ducks stay in their row. I should probably put out a blog post and a FaceBook announcement and maybe a newsletter promoting the concert. My costuming could use a little more attention.
But what’s really interesting to me, and what I’m dying to focus on, is the redecoration of my oboe studio which will happen sometime this summer. I would far rather surf around on Pinterest looking for ideas or begin to sketch out the design of my new reed desk than actually think about the big performance I have coming up.
I’d rather think about the structure and rollout of the price increase which is coming to my reed business next month. I’d rather think about sending promotional emails to teachers about Oboe Reed Boot Camp, which is August 6-7. I’d MUCH rather start working on the music for my upcoming CD, Music That SHOULD Have Been Written for the Oboe. I’d even rather read reviews about new printer/scanner/copiers (because I hate mine SO MUCH).
It feels annoying and boring and pedantic to have to keep dragging my focus back to the nearest-term project. I’ve been working on this piece for a year. I’ve performed it with piano four times. I worked with our Music Director on it yesterday. I am absolutely looking forward to next week’s rehearsals ad performance, but I’m mentally and emotionally ready to put it away and move on.
This is normal, this phase of the cycle, but I haven’t found a way to make peace with it. What I will do is obsessively list the things I have to do, and do them, and get them done… and wait for the end of the day when I can escape into those fun printer reviews once more, and dream of the time – coming soon – when I can throw my whole self into a NEW project once more.
Oh. And don’t miss this May 7 concert. The Rouse is spectacular, the South Bend Symphony is a great orchestra, and despite my grouching I cannot wait to perform! Details HERE.