Why can’t I write?
I can’t seem to have any ideas or focus this month. I have impulses for ideas, as I am sitting in the orchestra or driving, and I make notes about them. But I can’t seem to turn them into posts, or even particularly smart ideas.
I’ve been busy – but I don’t actually believe that I’ve been any busier than normal. The college year has just ended, so I have 1 and 2 half additional days in my week now, and although I did just travel to the East Coast for a major recital that I had been working very hard on as it was a different program from the two self-produced recitals I delivered a month earlier, and although I am working on promoting my Reed Boot Camp and learning a fairly unusual excerpt list for an audition and reviving the Lofstrom Concertino for a performance at IDRS in July, and trying to determine a recital program two weeks later, and although I just played the Rite of Spring this evening, I don’t see why all that and an active 2 year old should prevent me from living the life of the mind as well.
Um. Actually, that sounds kind of reasonable, and human.
I also discovered this morning that it is May 12. Which means that it’s only 3 weeks until the Sunburst Half Marathon, which I was absolutely planning to do, and that in fact I have not yet run longer than 9 miles this year, and that was weeks ago. The calendar is ganging up on me.
In fact, this will all be fine. I’m practicing well, and the future performances are on their way to being good. Zoe is awesome. If I can run ten miles tomorrow and maybe twelve next week I can make it through the race easily, even if I’m not on track to PR. This blog that I love is completely optional, and as my head comes back together I will no doubt have more to say. No one is sitting at their computer hitting Refresh over and over again, impatiently waiting for the next Prone Oboe gem. Or if they are, they should really find something more productive to do – I can’t be responsible for that kind of neediness.
So, just so you know, I’m working on it. And on myself. Summer will be busy, but a different, change-of-pace kind of busy, and I hope to get myself recharged over the next few weeks and months. New plans, new posts, new programs.
I love my life.